Dad, There’s a Crocodile at the Door!
Having your home flooded is a pretty awful experience. Most of your belongings are ruined and there’s generally not much that can be salvaged. It can takes months to dry a property out and let’s face it, insurance companies aren’t always terribly forthcoming when it’s their turn to pay up.
But no matter how bad things are, most people will never have to suffer the ultimate horror of having to escape their homes by wading through flooded streets, teeming with man-eating crocodiles.
Think of Australia and most of us have images of sunshine and blue skies, sea and surf, beer and barbecues, happy things that make people smile, even dodgy soap operas. Perhaps the more nervous amongst you think of sharks, box jellyfish, poisonous snakes and even more poisonous spiders. Not many people would say “Australia? Ah yes, floods!”. But increasingly Australia has been on the receiving end of torrential rains leading to devastating flooding.
The far larger problem than flood water in Australia is that their crocodiles now have no idea where the river ends and the suburbs start.
There have been several terrifying reports of crocodiles swimming quite openly in the streets of many Australian towns. We’re not talking about cheeky little tourist attraction feed the crocodiles here, oh no! The Australian saltwater crocodile is the biggest in the world. Some can grow up to thirty feet (although most only have four) and weigh 1000kg. This is a predator that is so good it hasn’t needed to evolve since the days of the dinosaurs. And they’re now roaming the streets of Australian towns and cities.
One nervous resident said:
We watched one when we were stuck on the roof. Strewth, you should have seen the size of the bugger! It swam up the path, all slow like, then smashed straight through the front door like it wasn’t there. It banged around for about twenty mins then buggered off out again.”Nervous resident
Generally the first (and last) thing you know about a crocodile being near is when it explodes from the water, crunches you in its jaws and drags you away for dinner. If an Australian croc decides it wants you for a snack it’s game over. Don’t think that a little warning would give you a chance to get away either. It can run faster than you, certainly swim faster than you and even if you’re hoping to get up in a tree you’d better get high, a twenty foot crocodile has reach!
Another lucky to be alive family described their ordeal:
Me, the Sheila, the three nippers, the dog and the mother-in-law were stuck up in the tree like a family of bloody Koalas. Two days we were up there. All the time there’s this damn great saltie, just floating there in my own bloody backyard, watchin an waitin an doin nothin.
Anyways, it’s the middle of the arvo on day 2. I’m lookin at the out-law and wonderin about just how hungry this fella is, just thinkin you know. Then this bloody greate esky comes bobbin along. Crocky, as we’d taking to callin him, goes for a look and knocks the lid off. Well I’ll be buggered, it’s only full of bloody tinnies, dozens an dozens of em!
Next thing you know there’s Crocky crunching on the tinnies an swallowing the damn things! Bloody creature’s goin on a blinder! One after the other, crunch gulp, crunch gulp. As he gets more pissed, he starts splashin an jumpin around, beatin the garden furniture up and actin like a prize hoon. I’m stuck up a tree feelin about lucky as a bastard on Father’s Day and now I’ve got a pissed-up saltie runnin riot.
Well after about an hour he sort of goes all quiet, rolls over onto his bag and just sort of drifts off with his legs wavin in the are and a smile on his face. The one pot screamer gone a got himself all paralytic, couldn’t handle the Fosters I guess”
An Australian police spokesman offered the following useful advice to concerned members of the public:
Don’t go in the water, you’ll get eaten“